Prince John (Peter Ustinov)
by Richard Smart"Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Aha! Aha!"
"To coin a phrase, my dear counsellor: "Rob the poor to feed the rich." Am I right? Tell me. What is the next stop, uh, Sir Hiss?"
"Oh look the richest plum of them all. Notting... ham."
"D-D-D-D-Don't overdo it there. That, I believe, does it. This crown gives me a feeling of power! Power! Forgive me a cruel chuckle, heh-heh-heh. Mm. Power. Hmm."
"Doesn't it? Uh, King Richard? I've told you never to mention my brother's name."
"Ah-ah, I know sire and sent him off on that crazy crusade."
"Yeah. Mother. Mother always did like Richard best."
"No! None of that! None of that."
"I wonder. Silly serpent."
"Now, look here. One more... One more hiss out of you... Hiss... And you are walking to Nottingham."
"Oh, poppycock. Female bandits? What next? Rubbish. My dear ladies, uh, you have my permission... to kiss the royal hands, whichever you like first."
"Stop. Stop hissing in my ear."
"Hiss! Oh, you've hissed your last hiss. Suspicious snake."
"Oo-de-lally. A crown! How exciting!"
""Handsome, regal... majestic, lovable." Yes, yes. "Cuddly." Oh, that's me to a "T." It really is, yes."
"Now what?"
"I know my name! Get on with it!"
"Yes! I knew it! I knew it! Do you hear that, Hiss? Oh, you can't... He's in the basket. Do-Don't forget it."
"Robbed! I've been robbed! Hiss! You're never around when I need you. Ahem, I've been robbed."
"Ooh! Mommy. (he sucks his thumb.) I've got a dirty thumb."
"Archer, I commend you. And because of your superior skill you shall get what is coming to you. Our royal congratulations."
"Release the royal fingers. Ah! And now, I name you the winner. Or more appropriately… ...the loser."
"Seize him."
"I sentence you to sudden, instant and even immediate death."
"My dear, emotional lady, why should I?"
"Love him? And does this prisoner return your love?"
"Ah. Young love. Your pleas have not fallen upon a heart of stone. But traitors to the crown must die!"
"ENOUGH! I AM KING! KING! KING! AH, OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"
"Stop! Executioner, stop! Hold your axe!"
"Sheriff, release my buddy. I mean, release the prisoner!"
"Sheriff, I make the rules. And since I am the head man… Not so hard, you mean thing. Let him go, for heaven sakes! Let him go!"
"KILL HIM! DON'T STAND THERE, KILL HIM!"
"KILL HIM!"
"Stop the girl!"
"Seize the fat one!"
"HISS! You're never around when I need you!"
"Get out of that, if you can."
"Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes. Triple the taxes. Squeeze every last drop...out of those insolent, musical peasants."
"FRIAR TUCK?! It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh! I'd give all my gold if I could just get my hands...Uh...Did you say "Friar Tuck"?"
"Ah, Hiss! I have it. I'll use that fat friar, as bait to trap Robin Hood."
"Yes, yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows in the village square, don't you see?"
"Yes, my reluctant reptile. And when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric... (laughs) my men will be ready. Ha ha!"
"Guards! Guards! My gold! Oh no, no, no! They're getting away with my gold! Guards! Guards! To the jail! Rhinos, halt! Stop! Desist!"
"Shoot him!"
"Kill him! Kill him!"
"Hiss! He's finished! Done for! La, la-la! Hahaha!"
"Oh, no. It's so miserably unfair."
"AHHHHHH! Mommy! Hold still, you cowardly cobra!"
"You eel in snake's clothing!"